Apparently, I read somewhere, probably “Tips for aspiring Writers with delusions of being good at it” or something, that apologising to your readers for not blogging for a long time is a not actually good blogging practise. Your readers, I think it said, have busy lives themselves, don’t always know how much time has gone past and so it’s likely the only person having any feelings about it at all is yourself. So I am going to carry right on like none of you in your busy lives has even noticed how long ago the last entry was here and not mention it so that no one notices at all.
I started this blog with a few photographs and it seems from the viewing stats that these are much more popular than any of the writings about a ride on the bike. To be honest, I don’t care much about viewing stats and will probably continue to write about my bike rides. Trouble is, when I have my tricky times, I do very little of either, or anything else, so there is a big time gap here and then I start feeling guilty about it – which is silly because it really isn’t that important in the scheme of things – then I get nervous about how I should start it again.
I like to write and I like to be cheerful, hopefully some of my humour is visible through this blog. There are times though where I am very miserable and very angry at everything, these are concurrent with my MS relapses and are pretty much proper clinical depression. It can be over in a matter of days or weeks. I am not currently taking anything chemical for depression because it can take a month to really start being effective, by which time it’s normally well over anyway. It probably only happens a few times a year so it’s not something I want to be on any drugs for the whole time.
If I’m not careful though I could, at those times, populate my blogs and social feeds with horrible, righteous rantings that, in a few days, I would look back on and be extremely embarrassed about or just delete in yet another paranoid frenzy and have to go around either apologising for or starting afresh yet again. I really don’t want to write about the miserable things I feel then either, it may be emotionally revealing, it might be powerful stuff, it might be seriously thought provoking – but there is enough of that in the world already.
This recent round of relapses has been a nice mix up of very sleepy, energyless, angry, depressive, paranoid, weak and wobbly-limbed, mentally vague, fat-gaining inactivity for around two months, with little glimmers of light offered before dumping me back into it. Currently I seem to be OK, I’ve had a couple of rides out, a few indoor trainer sessions and done some gardening and cooking but have not, until now, summoned up any stringing-more-than-two-words-together-coupled-with-a-nice-picture for a blog piece. So, if you have noticed I’ve been quiet around here and not posted recently this is my grovelling apology that I shouldn’t write. I’m off for a ride and I’m taking my camera and will try only to post here about the lighter side of things.